Hello. My name is Guido, and I am a guide. How did I get here? First I was born. And then it was just a succession of nonsensical events. Let me tell you ...

At five, I was just a dirty turbulent kid. My parents took me to a museum. First  the place scared me, and then I bumped into a strange statue of a woman with no arms and an alarm rang so I ran away. Out of curiosity, I touched a small statuette and a vase. I began to imagine a story that the woman without arms had asked me to find her arms, so I went hunting. I ran, shouted, making a lot of noise, annoyed the guardian, and was finally put out, I had so much fun!

At eight years old, I was a naive and annoying boy who was amazed at everything. With the school, we visited a museum, and there I annoyed the guide with thousands of my silly questions, "Hey! Why has the woman no arms? " " Why don't they make her wax arms? " " Hey! if she hid her arms in Greece. Why do not you go get them? ". Poor guide ... But finally, in answering my stupid questions he left his academic discourse and we began to understand something about this woman without arms.

At thirteen I thought I was a rebel. One day, I went to the museum to take a photo of the woman without arms for my grandmother who lives far away, but the guardian challenged me: "Young man, photography is forbidden here!". I replied that this was nonsense. He countered that this is the rule. I told him that his rule is stupid. When I tried to take a photo again, I got thrown out. Returning later, I found the guardian sleeping in a chair, and, in revenge, I took a picture at such an angle that it seemed  his head was resting on the armless woman's bottom and I have posted it on the internet.

At seventeen I was a compulsive latin lover, but a bad one, very bad. One who invites a girl to a museum. Especially bad as the girl hated that. So I had to find the words to make her laugh and dream, show the charm that hides in these artworks. We stayed a long time in front of the woman without arms, and a little later, beautiful arms entwined me.

At twenty-one years I was irresponsible. I brought people not as it should be to the museum, they were my friends, shady guys, not the kind we see usually in museums in my city. For them it was a pledge after a lost bet, but it was part of my plan. They were noisy, restless, behaved rough, people looked at us with annoyance and concern. Only the old guard was kind, probably he had been like us himself when he was younger. We laughed a lot with the woman without arms! Later, some returned, but this time it was not a pledge.

Today I'm twenty-five years old, but I have not changed at all. Always turbulent, naive, disobedient, flirty, irresponsible ... and I'm your guide now!


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